Oh... my ... god...

You have encapsulated my entire professinal life in a one page essay. But you forgot:

"Make sure your estimate for this plan is no more than $2000. I have a 15 year old nephew who designs houses and he say he can build it for me for $1000."

Pin point accuracy. Amusing and true. Great site Scott.

Strange but true.

This article made my day! Thanks for the good laugh - this hit soooooo close to home!

Also: Please also create this house so that my disfunctional part-time neice (sister to the nephew) can maintain the "content" of the Kitchen, Den and Play Room. But, create a admin shed containing a swiss army tool that will magically clean, press and freshen the rest of the house when you flick its switch. If we do not have time this year for the tool, we'll re-approach the design in phase two with next years budget.

Also: After the house has been completed, I will more than likely want you to tear part of it down and rebuild it a couple of inches to the left... for no additional cost.

Have I mentioned that I'm not approved for loans or building permits. Go ahead anyway and we will deal with them when the time comes. Did I mention that you will turn over all plans to me and I'll take the credit of the project when its a sucess?

Oh, by the way ... if I'm carrying groceries, I want the front door to lead to the kitchen, but if I'm coming home from work, I want the front door to lead to the living room. If I'm coming home from work AND carrying groceries, ask me before I come in the front door which one I prefer.

My mother-in law should not be able to go into the bedrooms unless my wife specifically gives her permission. Then, she is permitted to see what is in the bedrooms but not change anything. My wife is permitted to see or change anything in the bedrooms, but not in my workshop or the garage. Unless I say she can.

The floors must be level to within a tolerance of +/- 0.00001%. Of course, I don't know where the floors will be yet.

Very often, I will want to replace everything in my garage with exactly the same stuff from my neighbor's garage. Unfortunately, my neighbor and I are not always on speaking terms. You will have to figure out how to make sure that our garages always contain the same stuff, even when we're not speaking to each other.

I will be giving my keys to about a hundred people. Some of them will be helping me on this dinner party I give every so often. I want to collaborate with them. The other people are free to do what they like in the other rooms, but I don't want to see or hear them.

Did I mention that your boss promised me you'd be finished by Wednesday?

hehehe... great article

every single potential CLIENT should have to read this before they accept a contract proposal. in fact, i think maybe i'll send it to all my clients... just for laughs...

As an architect for more than 45 years, I can attach a name to everyone of those paragraphs including the added comments.

I would like to give this brilliant article to all our prospective clients. Trouble is, they probably wouldn't get it. Thanks.

Love it, Love it, Love it. Best laugh I have had all week

Guys - this article is a take on web designers-not architects. Save your "poor me" for another time.

interesting article. i don't mean to quibble but at least the internet designer doesn't have to suffer through design school, take a ridiculous registration exam, be humiliated through years of an internship as an office-boy or girl, breathe in toxic fumes from blueprint machines and on site. they don't have to deal with building codes and zoning with the attendant officials; some inept, some senile and others rather punctillious with yet others requiring bribes - all giving contradictory, legally binding opinions. i guess that even with all that archi-torture does compare favorably... except if the building crashes, the client can't just reboot.

Did I mention that I need to have the plans ready for review by next week and the implementation of my new home will have to be completed within one months time...never mind, make that two weeks, my clients have to be able to come inside and see how it is doing now...

PS-I also reserve the right to not get back to you when you have any questions and then blame you for not designing my home fast enough...and may then have to report you to the BBB, and did I mention that I have several more things to add within that two weeks...so I hope that the scope is not too large because I want it by the deadline...even if the overtime kills you in the process.

An appreciatable effort to keep people laughing and laughing, when evr they approcah this article.............

Oh, and I forgot to add that there's no deadline pressure at all -- take your time to make it right, because I understand this sort of project takes time -- except that the dining room and kitchen-management-system needs to be fully functional in a week for the big birthday party. Since that's the smallest part of the house, it should be easy enough to get done in time. Then you can do the rest of the stuff afterwards. Don't bother me with any approvals or questions that don't have to do with the dining room or kitchen until after the birthday. You got to keep your eye on the ball.

funny it would be if were not so sad. It's written from my last project and now I feel even proud that I accomplished it though it took me so much time and effort that in the end it was not even worth it (I mean time and money).

This is why I choose to be the construction worker, and not the architect. \o/

(Aside from the fact that I suck at design.)

Thank you for the proposal! My first inclination was to say no, but my nephew has a CounterStrike LAN party this weekend and cannot complete my project,. Luck you, It's a go. I expect stringent adherence to the the 48 hour completion clause starting... NOW! Since I'll be supplying the images and content, I'll be back with that tomorrow... or the next day.

I will require free training as well. As I am very familiar with homes I am sure I will understand everything immediately, but I need you to show me how to walk through the back door. If I don't get it, I will assume that it is your fault and poor design regardless of what I approved.

Also, since I am the only person who has ever used the Internet, I will inform you when you ideas on hyperlinks and buttons make no sense to anybody on the entire planet besides you.

I realize that although your estimate for this project is budgeted for a week's worth of your time, I will respond to your initial design sometime next week, or month... or year... (yep seriously..) Please keep your schedule exclusively open so my whole family can review your specs at their leisure and reject your initial design. Once your design has been rejected we will expect 10 more designs to arbitrarily pick from. I expect that the costs for these 10 more designs shall not exceed the initial estimate. Since the initial specs were designed in blue, and it is now a year later, we expect the revised spec to be designed in this year's colors, which are now pink and black... Also please include at the top some type of logo for our family at no charge....

(I could keep this up all day...)

Hey Buddy!
I have made several attempts to contact you regarding another interesting project for a good charitable cause, however I have yet to hear back from you. I had heard that you lost your home and declaired bancrupcy, so I thought you could use the work. Pleas give me a call.

Another Addition:
"I'm going to have the building design and organization go against your better judgement and completely ignore you if you tell me my ideas are a more costly way to go. Later, I reserve the right to blame you for any problems or extra costs that will inevitably arise."